Sadly, miscarriage in the first trimester is very common, although knowing this is often of little consolation when you have experienced a miscarriage. Even though a pregnancy may have ended at a very early stage, the bonding between a mother and her baby can still be strong, and the grief associated with the loss of the pregnancy can be overwhelming.
I’ve managed hundreds of women experiencing miscarriage during my career and to this day it still surprises how frequently women explain to me that they think the miscarriage was their fault – because they smoked, had a night out drinking before they realised that they were pregnant, were stressed at work, didn’t eat the right food, the list goes on. If you are feeling this way, then let me set you straight, you did NOT cause your miscarriage. By far the most common cause of a first trimester miscarriage is the chromosomes of the embryo being jumbled up – too many copies of one or more chromosomes and/or not enough copies of other chromosomes. This happens at the time of conception, or during the first few cellular divisions.
You may think that you don’t require emotional support services if you are feeling sad after having a miscarriage, but I would encourage you to at least have a look at the Pink Elephant Miscarriage Support Network website https://miscarriagesupport.org.au. There are a lot of excellent resources available, produced by women that understand the grief associated with miscarriage. Sometimes just knowing that you are not alone in feeling emotionally lost after a miscarriage, and that other women have experienced similar feelings can be of immense relief. Miscarriage can also cause relationship difficulties, largely caused by the partner of a woman who has miscarried being distressed and not being emotionally able to provide the required support due to their own distress. You may find it helpful to talk with a psychologist (either individually or as a couple) to help you through this difficult time – Dr Amanda Symboluk is a colleague that I would recommend https://www.symboluktherapysydney.com.
There may be a medical reason for your miscarriage and I would encourage you to make an appointment to see me so I can determine whether there are any treatable factors that are likely to have contributed to your miscarriage. An assessment by a fertility specialist is very important in the case of recurrent (two or more) miscarriages.